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Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort
I have thought up nearly all of these myself (with a few exceptions thought up by Haley, Rose & Inty)
Politely exclaim now & again that 'you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbledore'
Get him to play 'Twister' with you
Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it & it dies
Steal, snap & bury his wand.....swear Lucius Malfoy did it
Write him a theme song, sing it with great gusto whenever he is about to do something particularly clever or nasty
Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'
Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts & contact details
Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back & say 'Eeeexcelllent'
'Imperius the Deatheaters often to burst into song (the hills are alive w/ the sound of music for example)
Step on the back of his shoe constantly
Transfigure Nagini into a poodle when he's talking to her
Scatter rose petals in front of him wherever he goes
Look terrified & run from the room whenever he picks up his spoon at mealtimes
Everytime you catch his eye, wink & pout
pull a Doctor Evil on him & say 'Shh' everytime he tries to speak
Tell him, that Dumbledore is more evil than he, offer much proof
Never be intimidated by him, treat him as you would a mad, slightly senile uncle
Insist on walking in front of him all the time to "Make sure its safe"
Turn things like his wand, robes, favourite chair etc into portkeys that take him directly to Disneyland, Madam Puddyfoots Tea Shop etc
Do this at least twice a week
Begin every question with 'Riddle me this'...LOTS of emphasis on the Riddle bit
Chisel a Lightning bolt scar on his head while he's asleep
Sign him up for the 'How to get along with Muggles' newsletter
Borrow Dean Thomas's 'Potter for President' banner, glue it to the back of his robes with a permenant sticking charm
If you ever need to say 'like taking candy from a baby' be sure to add "Of course SOME of us might find that harder than others!" stare at him pointedly
Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'
Roll your eyes during plotting sessions & say things like 'You're the boss' or 'it's your funeral'
Anytime he enters the room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly
Show up drunk to Deatheater meetings
Swap all his robes for Darth Vader costumes
Hire some thugs. Have them beat up any Deatheaters who say anything against Voldie's good name...or who look like they may have been thinking it
Insult him in Pig Latin
Steal his wand & look scandalised when he finds it in Lucius Malfoy's robes
Follow him at a distance, make it annoyingly obvious
Walk around carrying the back of his robes like a train on a bridal gown
Get your hand wet, then stand behind him and pretend to sneeze, flicking water on the back of his neck
Get him drunk on Tequila, get him singing Karaoke, video it, send copies of the tape to the Daily Prophet & the Quibbler
Buy him one of those cute hair bands for babies whose hair hasn't grown in yet, make sure it's got cute little pearls and roses on it
Cut Nagini into strips w/ McNairs axe, leave the axe & the scene comfort a distraught Voldie, all the while telling him about the Buckbeak situation
Imperius him to sing & dance 'all that jazz' & portkey him to the Hogwarts Halloween feast "as the entertainment"
Create childish fingerpuppets of him & Harry then loudly recreate all his defeats in annoyingly squeaky voices
Send him Valentines on Feb 14th from 'Harry xxx'
Send him Valentines in August
Buy him a stress ball & offer to give him a massage
Boast loudly to the other Deatheaters that you 'taught him everything he knows' when he's standing right behind you
Subscribe him to 'Witch Weekly'
Tweek his nose often shouting 'got yeh nose'
Appirate in and out the room constantly...do this for an hour
Hit him with the 'twichy ears' jinx when he's addressing the deatheaters with an evil plan
Send a letter to Hagrid from him organising a high school reunion
Paint the Deatheater masks with pink glitter
Stare at him in openmouthed awe, never look away
Drug him then book him in for cosmetic surgery, give the surgeons a picture of Lockheart
Enchant a stereo to follow him everywhere playing the 'Wicked witch of the West theme' very loudly
Looked horrified when you find out he can't play cricket & tell him (in a Prof.Trelawney trancelike voice) that he's got no hope of ruling supreme unless he learns
Go through the courts, have his name legally changed to 'Lord Tinkerbell'
Mock him about his second name..."Marvolo...whats that? A soap powder?"
Buy yourself a Lockheart style pair of dandy leather gloves, slap him round the face constantly with them, challenging him to duels
Put him on a anger management program
Throw a tupperware party, insist he sit through it
Work cute phrases like 'smooth-as-a-babies-bottom' into conversation with him
Point out and question loudly why there appears to be a lipstick mark on the hem of his robes after all the deatheaters have just kissed it
Portkey him to the top of the tallest Xmas tree in the great hall @ Hogwarts during the Xmas Feast...don't forget to put him in a tutu first
Send letters to all the Muggle-Borns @ Hogwarts from Voldie apologising for his undeserved and frankly quite nasty attitude to their kind.
Ask him if you can have your dark mark removed by laser...or at least replaced by something more 'socially acceptable'
Draw outlandish comparisons between him & Darth Vader, leave it hanging with the revelation that he's Lukes father...stare at him then ask who Harry's father REALLY is.
Don't let him leave the room till he confesses
Leave disgusting rotting things in his bed, insist there 'aromatherapy'
Prod him in the nose at least twice a day & fix him with a frown saying 'did you know you look like a snake?'
Buy him a Dumbledore style wig, beard, halfmoon glasses etc...insist he wears it during meetings to 'boost morale'
Remind him that he really isn't alive, therefore cannot become immortal
Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger
Find out the passwords to his private chambers at Voldie HQ. Change them all to 'I'm a halfblood' & 'i love Muggles'
Cuddle him @ random moments
About once a week, burst in during a meeting (in the style of Quirrel at the Halloween feast) exclaiming loudly that the Ministry know there wherabouts and 100's of Auror's are on their way...as they all jump to their feet add, 'just testing'
Tell him that 'no good can come of trying to kill young innocent boys'
Send rude messages & threats to the giants, sign it all from him.
Order Bellatrix, Lucius etc to shave off their hair because 'Voldie is jealous of their long flowing locks' when they do this tell Voldemort that they are mocking the fact he's bald
Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic "My sir, you look particularly menacing today"
When he's speaking Parseltounge to Nagini, loudly make hissing noises to override him, imperius the other Deatheaters to join in.
Send signed pictures of him to Harry, Dumbles etc etc.
Spend hours trying to convince him to see a therapist
Tell him 'I don't know what Lucius is talking about sir, i don't think you look like a corpse in a dress'
Go back to his childhood home in Little Hangelton, fish out naked baby pictures of him...send them to the Daily Prophet
When his plans are foiled yet again. Sing 'always look on the bright side of life' in a hearty booming voice. Clapping him on the back hard during the chorus
Exclaim exitedly that you've had a meeting with Cornelius Fudge who has offered him a job in 'muggle relations' if he gives up the whole 'dark lord' charade
Call him Tommy-boy
Or if your feeling brave 'Voldie-poo'
If he's having evil-plotters-block in one of his scheming sessions 'wingardium leviosa' a light bulb above his head. turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry & say 'you thought you were helping'
Tell him he looked better underneath Quirrels turban
When he glares at you. Glare back, if he blinks or looks away, jump up shouting "I WON!"
Call him names such a 'Pete', 'Dave' or 'Joe' look politely quizzical when he corrects you & say 'Oh, forgive me...i meant My Lord...Tom'
Ask him that if he's so famous, how come there isn't a Chocolate Frog card for him.
Forget to turn off your mobile phone during deatheater meetings so it rings constantly interrupting the plotting w/ the Harry Potter theme tune
Accio his shoes off him during a nasty speech
Ask him for his autograph
Ask really stupid questions like 'what house were you in at Hogwarts?' look politely confused when he glowers at you & say 'ohh, it was Hufflepuff wasn't it?...don't worry i wont tell anyone'
Imperio Nagini to bite him constantly. When he gets angry, match his anger & shout 'i was only trying to help, i thought you needed snake venom!!'
Glue a tiara to his head w/ a permenant sticking charm
Exclaim loudly that you've known chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than he.
Suggest that he kill Harry Potter. Pretend it was your idea in the first place
Shower him w/ confetti & rice when he enters the room
Obtain one of Tom Riddle Sr hairs, brew polyjuice potion, drink it. Burst through his door with an axe shouting "Heeeres Daddy!"
Imperius him to finish every sentence with the word 'penguin' or 'wibble' question his sanity to the other Deatheaters
After another long plotting session, yawn loudly & tell him "why bother with all this again my Lord? You KNOW your gonna lose"
Suggest they all go on Jerry Springer when he looks angry add (in a bright hopeful voice) "i'll promise to protect you if the Potter boy tries to hit you with a chair!"
Ask him "Seeing as your bald, do you have square toes?" when he says no answer "Well, the Grand High Witch is better than yooou" (in a very childish voice)
Slap him on the head every few minutes shouting 'mosquito!'
Read him 'the Ugly Duckling' shooting him sympathetic looks every few minutes
Applaud loudly everytime he tells someone off
Follow him everywhere whining loudly about your own personal problems
Hint that all the Deatheaters are spys for Dumbledore & the Dementors are the only ones he can trust
Hint all the Dementors are still loyal to Fudge so the only one he can trust is Rita Skeeter
Say nothing furthur...see what happens
Buy him a Kinder Egg & insist it's that prophecy he was looking for
Buy him a blender & take charge of blending everything of his you can get your hands on
Put loads of protection charms around an old banana skin you found, when he asks what your doing scowl at him & say 'i'm protecting one of your horcruxes! what does it look like im doing?!!'